My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
