How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
