Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
