WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
