Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
