Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We left the knife in your bed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
