hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
