tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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