Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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