I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
