When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
