so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
