They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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