is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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