....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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