we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
