Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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