She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
