I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
