Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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