i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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