and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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