Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You left your phone here
Wait...
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