She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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