I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wear drunk well.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
