apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
