I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
