awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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