"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
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i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
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I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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