After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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