So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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