i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
