The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
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Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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