Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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