There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
