I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
