these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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