can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
