this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
