Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
