I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
