What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
