this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
