An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
