also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
