btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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