omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
