my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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