I puked a lego.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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