I wish my penis had an off switch
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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