Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
