I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
