happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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