How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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