Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
