Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
