So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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