The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
