He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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