Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
