I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
