I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
