Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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