Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have tasted many bathrooms
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
