I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
