what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
