2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
