So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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