tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
