I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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