If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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