whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
