Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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