Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
