Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize