You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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