you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
