I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
