So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
