All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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