I accidentally burped into my bong.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
