She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dignity is for republicans.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
