when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
