Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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