I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
farters have to be the big spoon...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
