Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
