So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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