Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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